Hub #7 - Seven Ways To Love Your Child

It's been a long but wonderful day. The stars are now twinkling like flickering lights in the heavens and the house has grown quiet as night has settled in. I just tucked my little one in bed and listened as she said her "night-night" prayers. In that ever so soft little voice of hers I heard her pray, "Thank you God as this day ends for my family and my friends...." I was again reminded of just what a wonderful gift of love she is to me.

The greatest privilege I have been given on this earth is to be her mommy. From the first time I held her, I realized I was holding in my arms a bundle of destiny - a future doctor, lawyer, pastor, teacher, writer, musician or even a president. When she became a toddler, walking (no, more like tripping) around in my high heels, following me from room to room as on a mission, she was like an arrow in a bow, a stone that was set in perpetual motion, a seed of destiny all wrapped up in that tiny little frame. This was my determined purpose, my assignment, my great joy -my daughter.

Of all the vocations and occupations in the marketplace, of all the honors and accolades given, of all the degrees and educational acumen one may have, the most distinguished and important role we play is that of being a "great parent." Notice I did not say good. I said "great." It is entirely possible to move from being just a good parent to being a great one if we make that a priority in life.

It's funny my daughter asked me, "Mommy, what are you writing about tonight?" I told her that I was writing on "Seven Ways To Love Your Child." Immediately, without any hesitation, she began to give me her list as though she was an authority on the subject (I guess in a way she is.) She then very frankly said, "Good luck with your writing" and went off to bed. As I listened to her list (that now I really like better than mine) I thought perhaps it would be wisdom on my part to share these 7 ways through the eyes of a 7 year old. Well, let's count it down.

1. Tell them you love them - often.

I make it a practice to daily (more times than once) tell my child I love her. We play this little game and it goes like this. I say, "Mommy loves you." She says, "I love you more." I say, "Impossible." Or then I will says things like, "I love you, always and forever." I'll write her little notes and sign them, "Love, Mommy. Always and Forever." That is creating an atmosphere of security and a source of affirmation that will build self-esteem and assurance in the life of your child. Let even your discipline be meted out in love (more will be said about that later.) You can't really tell your child you love them too much. When the words are followed by consistent demonstrations of that love, you have a secure child.

2. Spend quality time with them.

Parenting today is no easy task when both parents have to work or single parents have to work two jobs to make ends meet. Having said that in the context of the twenty-four hours given in a day it is imperative that we spend "quality" time with our children. I'll never forget one day my daughter was at my office with me and it had been a particularly busy day. She had been chattering away and evidently did not feel she had my most undivided attention. She proceeded to crawl up in my lap, put both her hands on my cheeks, turn my face toward hers and said, "Mommy, I love you." Needless to say, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her close and said with tears running down my cheeks, "I love you, too, baby. Why don't we just play." Down on the floor of my office I went and play we did.

Growing up in Haiti (my parents were missionaries) there was no television to entertain or mesmerize us. Family time was sweet. We read together. We played games together. My parents helped my sister and me with our homework. We sang together. We had family devotions together. Life was a family affair. It was wonderful.

Whatever it takes for you to spend quality time with your child where they have your undivided attention, do it. Turn the television off. Talk about the day. Take walks or go to the park. Do something that creates an opportunity for dialogue. Don't be an absentee parent (That doesn't just mean a distant location). Be involved in the life of your child by taking time to be with them.

3. Teach them

I don't remember who made it famous, but there was a song that was titled, "Teach your children well." Don't leave all the educating of your child to the schools. As a matter of fact, you are the first and foremost teacher in their lives. The Bible instructs the parents to train their children in "the way" they should go and then when they are older they will not depart from it. I am a living testimony that this is true. My parents taught us well.

My daughter said in her list, "Make sure they learn right from wrong." Wow. Not bad for a seven year old, right? That piece of instruction presupposes the parent knows right from wrong. To be sure we are living in a day of ambiguous living. In other words, some parents have the motto, "Do as I say do, not as I do." But if we are going to really love our children we must model out the training we give. The best training manual I know of is the Word of God - the Bible.

Take your children to church, don't just send them. Involve yourself in the community of a Bible-believing church and let your children see your faith demonstrated. What you value, they will value. What you honor, they will honor. What you love, they will love.

4.Discipline Them When Necessary

I was shocked, and pleasantly so, when I heard my little one include on her list, "Discipline them when they have to be disciplined." Now, to be sure, we live in a new day when many parents are afraid to discipline their children. To be sure there are cases of abuse when discipline is given out of anger and rage rather than love. There is never any excuse for physical (or verbal) abuse. That cannot be tolerated.

Now I lived back in the day (that sounds old doesn't it?) when the only thing my parents knew about "time out" was the time it took out of their schedules to find a switch and apply it more perfectly to the south end of my anatomy. My father was a firm believer in the "stars and stripes." I saw the stars and he gave the stripes. I can say that now with some humor but in fact he believed in "spare the rod, spoil the child." I am none the worse for it. As a matter of fact, I probably needed more than I got. Do I advocate spanking? It was good for me because it was done with love and affirmation, however, in this post I am not recommending any one particular method, but rather I am simply saying, discipline (as strange as it may seem) is very much a part of showing your child you love them.

The Bible teaches us that "foolishness" is bound in the heart of a child. Children who are left without any kind of correction or discipline are children who know no boundaries or have no regard for authority of any kind. They become unruly and often rebellious. Discipline is a safety net, a place of security that says, "I love you but your present behavior is unacceptable. Therefore correction is needed." James Dobson has written some terrific books on the subject.

5. Speak words of life over them daily.

Your words can very well determine your child's future. If there is one thing I cannot stand it is to hear a parent tell their child things like, "You are stupid" or "You are worthless." Then there are the words, "You'll never amount to anything" that are like a sword pulled from an angry sheath piercing the very soul of that child. These venomous words are tucked away in the vocabulary of a parent who more than likely experienced the dreaded sting of their parents verbal abuse.

What better way to love your child then to affirm them. Speak greatness into their lives. Tell them they are "wonderfully made" and created by God. Tell them they were in His heart before you held them in your hands. Therefore, His plan for them is good. Even when they stumble and fall, lift them up with your comforting words of affirmation. Tell them they were wanted and you recognize they are your gift from God - not only to you, but to the world. Be their number one fan.

6. Don't give them everything they ask for.

This may sound strange. I love to give my daughter things she may ask for. But there are times she asks for things that I know are not good for her. Because I love her I do not give her everything she wants. To the best of my ability, I give her what she needs. Let me break it down. We are raising a generation who determines their self-worth by the things they possess. The name brand shoes. The name brand clothes. The latest digital this or that. If it's all about things then it becomes selfish and self-absorbed.

When she looks at me with those big-brown eyes and says, "Mommy, I want......" There are times I say "no" even when I may want to say "yes." Maybe it's not the right time yet or it's not in her best interest, but brown eyes or not I have to stand resolute. Does she always understand? Probably not. But someday she will. It's a matter of love.

7. Protect them

Another answer that my daughter placed on her list of seven ways to love your child is to "protect them." Obviously, you want to create a safe place and protect them from evil people, those who prey on innocent children. I cannot imagine what the Walsh family must have felt when their precious son Adam was viciously murdered. Then there are the countless others who hear the news their child has been kidnapped, or molested or a host of other crimes. It makes you not want to let your children out of your sight for even a second. Yes. We must do everything in our power to protect them from physical danger.

But there are other predators that we must protect them from. We must protect them from toxic people who have a carefully calculated agenda to infect our children with godless ideologies and mindless philosophies. We must protect them from negative influences that would sow seeds of rebellion, disregard for human life, and a host of other things that would jeopardize all that is good and gracious, happy and holy.

This list is certainly not exhaustive. But I hope it will be a gentle reminder that these seven things can mean the difference between good and great. I am still a work in progress, a mommy in training. This is an absolute. I love my daughter (Hey, the great thing is she loves me back). I am utilizing these seven ways to love her on a daily basis. So far, so good.

Best wishes to parents everywhere who really love their kids. Keep up the good work. You are making a difference. Children are indeed a "gift from God." To my special gift - "Always and forever."