Hub #12 - A Wounded Heart - A Broken Dream - A New Start

Remember as a girl when you used to hold a flower in your hands and pulling the petals one by one say, "He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not." Yes, and little boys have said, "She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not." You would pull every last petal on that innocent now captive little flower in hopes that the final petal would declare, "He or she loves me." That's the dream of every little girl, to meet her "knight in shining armor" who will love her forever. Or the dream of every little boy that someday he will meet his princess. You know, the story with the fairy tale ending where the prince steps into the life of the commoner and his love transforms her into a princess. Or conversely, the princess meets a frog and gives him a "kiss" that turns him miraculously into a handsome prince. They fall in love and live happily ever after.

As a pastor, I have been privileged to perform many wedding ceremonies. There is always a time of meeting before the wedding with the couples for pre-marital counseling and dialogue about what each expects of the other in this covenant relationship. How many times have I watched as the bride and groom sat across from my desk declaring their undying love for each other? When we've discussed the challenges that confront couples after the "I do's" almost without exception, they want to rush through this most important part of our sessions looking at me with that look that says, "this could never happen to us."

Then, of course, the wedding ceremony. You know the part that says, " .... till death us do part." There, they said it. Before God, the minister, the wedding party, the guests, they declared "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health" they would be committed to each other. The bride and groom are beautiful, the music is moving and sweet, the ceremony is powerful. But what happens when the music stops? What happens when the prince or the princess returns to being a "frog?" What happens when the dream becomes a nightmare and one or the other breaks those covenant vows and walks out the door, sometimes to never return?

May I tell you, I have seen broken relationships restored. I've seen marriages that were not just on the rocks but buried beneath them put back together again. It is entirely possible. However, for the sake of this writing, I want to address those whose music has stopped and the light of their life has walked out the door, locked it and threw away the key. The one left behind feels a panoply of emotions that continuously resonates like the crash of a thousand canons in their minds, declaring them to be forgotten, forsaken and a failure. I'm talking to those whose hearts are wounded with what feels like a terminal injury that could not possibly heal. I want to speak to those whose dreams of "happily ever after" have been dashed against the rocks and shoals of the harsh reality that people make choices and sometimes leave in spite of their vows made before God.

Let me state unequivocally, this is not an exhaustive study on this topic. This is simply designed to be a source of encouragement for those who have experienced the heart-break of a broken relationship - a marriage - and you feel that there can never be a "happily ever after for you." You see, there is God's ideal (divorce is most certainly not God's ideal plan for those commissioned to represent the love He has for His church) and then there is man's reality. Sometimes people step out of God's ideal and make choices that affect another to the point they feel that they are no longer whole or complete. They may go through the motions of living, but have lost the joy of living in the process. Again, before I take the next step remember this is in no way a license for divorce. I think of the woman Jesus met at the well who had been married five times and was living with a man. She changed spouses as often as some people change their socks. Jesus offered her an eternal solution to her present problem. She accepted his offer of a lifetime and literally impacted an entire city.

Here are three principles that I want to deposit into your future:

1. Divorce Is Not Fatal

Though divorce is final it is not fatal. I'll never forget a woman who sat in my office a mere shell of who she once was. At one time she had been a vibrant human being but due to an abusive marriage, she was now a reflection of who she used to be. The twinkle had gone out of her eyes, her confidant smile that lit up any room had been replaced by a sadness that is almost indescribable. The things her husband had forced her to involve herself in had stripped her of her dignity and self-esteem. He had cast her aside like someone would do a useless garment that no longer had value.

It took awhile and hours of dialogue, often repetitive in nature, but she was encouraged to know beyond any doubt that she could live a productive and fruitful life beyond that awful event called divorce. As strange as it may seem and as abusive and unhealthy as their marriage was, she felt she could not survive without him. To make a very long story short, there was a day it just seemed to really click. It seemed as though the light once again turned on in the darkened room of her dreams. From that day on the healing began and her journey toward recovery commenced with a renewed sense of purpose.

2. Though You Can't Unscramble Eggs You Can Create a Masterpiece

In all my years of living, I've never heard of anyone unscrambling eggs. Sometimes life just simply gets messy. But the good news is this. Jesus can take a mess and turn it into a miracle. What was meant to be a destructive event in your life can become a defining moment. It can become a time when you allow the compassionate Christ to bring healing, pouring the soothing balm that can only come from heaven's apothecary into every wound. The things you can correct, correct. What you can't, then commit - commit it all into the hands of the Master Creator. You can start right where you and make it your number one goal to fix your focus on the One who can really make the difference in your life. Don't expend the energy that it takes to play the blame game. It's a futile exercise that will drain you of the strength you need to move forward in your life.

3. You Can Live and Love Again

After a divorce it is often difficult to ever think that you could possibly trust, much less love again. The good news is this - You can. Don't settle for less than God has planned for you. Take time to heal. Don't rush the process. Do not fall for someone else simply because you don't want to be alone or today's culture presses you to fit into their relational mold as opposed to God's. Learn to celebrate you and who God has created you to be. Surround yourself with people who affirm you for who you are. Laugh. Draw a line in the sand and declare that you will survive - better yet, thrive. Take it day by day, moment by moment and live each one to it's fullest.

Is there such a thing as a "fairy tale ending?" Can there really be a "happily ever after?" Absolutely. You're still writing your story. You've not yet come to the final paragraph or reached "The end." As long as the pen is in your hand, and your heart beats with hope, you can live and you can love again.